Christmas Trees and Bitches

 Yesterday, Walker and I hit the road, drove the three hours to Amy, picked up our girl, and drove an hour and a half downtown in fierce traffic to meet up with family to see the big tree, which takes ya know, minutes, and then have a long and rowdy dinner in hidden BYOB Chinese restaurant.  It was great.  And the we drove Amy home, and then drove the three hours home for us, during which time my exhaustion started to show and I moaned and groaned crying out "NEVER AGAIN".  But it was nice, and I love my my family.

 

So, that's the Christmas tree part... Now for the bitches.

We'd emailed Amy's new QSP earlier in the week to let her know that Amy would be home late on Saturday.  All the way home from downtown, we tried to call Amy's house to let her caretaker know when we'd be home, but no answer.

We left, and then Meany Cold went to work on destroy Amy.

Thanks to Meany Cold, Amy's great day turned to horror.  She went to bed upset.  Woke up upset.  She's still upset.  And in a few hours, Meany Cold will be back in the house terrorizing her again. 

Hi, [New QSP},
I emailed earlier this week to let you know that Amy would home late on Saturday. 

When Amy got home last night, [Meany Cold] asked Amy why she got home so late and why she didn't call.  Amy tried to call the house, over an over, at least four times, starting at 10 pm to tell [Meany Cold] when she would be home.  She left two messages. 

[Meany Cold] told Amy "I'm not gonna work here very long if this crap keeps going on".  She also told Amy she was rude.  When Amy asked if her chair was plugged in, [Meany Cold] told her that had been, but that her sister had unplugged it, and she she wasn't going to plug it back in.  One, we had plugged it back it.  It came unplugged while we were taking pictures of the broken piece, then we plugged it back in.  If she found the chair unplugged, it's because the cord fell out when she passed through Amy's doorway, since the cord was across the doorway.  Two, it is completely inappropriate for her to set conditions for providing care to Amy.  These things were upsetting Amy, and [Meany Cold] told Amy she would leave her in her chair if she didn't calm down.  Amy tells me she was not having a panic attack or screaming at that moment, was just upset at how she was being treated. 

This has been going on a long time, and there has been no change.  This has to stop.  It is damaging to Amy and it is completely inappropriate for [Meany Cold] to act resentful towards Amy for having to do her job, or to threaten not to provide care to her.  Elmwood is Amy's home.  [Meany Cold] is an employee at Elmwood.  Amy should not feel insecure about her care in her home.

Please let us know how this will be addressed. 

I don't know if it's evident from the posts, but it's pretty much impossible to take this stuff in stride.  We want so much to rise above this stuff and work on fighting the bigger fight for Amy's rights and for her own fulfilling life, but we spend all our time trudging through this day to day crap.  

I can't even find the words to write here in this moment because I am so blinded the screaming rage inside my head right now.  Amy will keep calling me again and again and again, still upset about this.  The new QSP will never email be back.  Meany Cold will just keep being a monstrous bitch who shouldn't have access to vulnerable people.

This anger will give way to a feel of exhaustion, resentment, and disappointment with the straws Amy and I pulled in life, and feeling sad for my husband for getting bound up in all this, too.  I will then start to worry that this constant issue will destroy our relationship in the long run, and I will cry for fifty different things.  Then, either out of fury or blind optimism, I will rally and start trying for the best again.

And that's just me.  I'm an able-bodied adult with a job and good health.  I won't even get in to the full force of what this does to Amy, but in case you ever wondered, if you make a completely dependent person feel insecure about their care, you will make them insane and nervous, and they in turn, will drive you crazy by asking you again and again if you will or will not be providing each piece of the care they require, since they can no longer trust you for what they must have to live.  And if you act like you resent providing the care they need, the care that you don't need only by good luck and a wee bit more oxygen at birth, you will make them feel like shit.