Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Long Time, No See

To summarize:

Sunday, July 7, 2013


I miss him so much.  And I ache for my husband and my mother-in-law.

It's been 85 days.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Fantasy Bully

There's been a lot of change, and right now I can't even share all of it here.

Amy has finally moved to Champaign.  The new house is great, and I'm having a harder time adjusting than she is.

Walker's dad, George, died.  Out of nowhere, on our 9th anniversary, the day before Walker's 31st birthday -- April 14 -- he had a heart attack and left us all.  We'd seen him just three days earlier at Walker's cousins funeral.  We ate breakfast together at the hotel.  And suddenly, he's gone, and we can't believe it, and we're scared and sad to be without him.

I have so much more to say about this, but nothing to say.

When my mom died, Walker said it was the worst thing that would probably happen for a long, long time, and I wish he had been right.


On the way home today, I passed Fannie Mae candy, and thought of getting a treat for Amy for her 26th birthday tomorrow, because Pixies are how we commemorate Mom and Gram.  And that's all it really took to send me into a round of fantasy.

I NEVER talk to my mom.  She's just not there, and it's so painfully clear to me that she can't see me and she's nowhere to be found.  And then suddenly I was in the car talking to my mom.

You would love it here.  I would be coming home to you right now.

Our house would have you in it.  You would be on my case when I got home and laid down on the couch.  We'd park our twin cars side by side in the driveway.  Daisy (now our dog) would still be yours.  When Zoe (who became Annie's) died, you'd have wanted another dog, and even though it was our house and the naughty dogs drive us nuts, you'd get another dog.  And little tiny Harry (Annie's new dog) would be yours.

And then like that, the moment was gone.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Managed Care

Amy is overdue for botox injections -- they were due October 2011.  It's not for vanity.  Amy gets botox injections to release her spastic muscles.  Her spasms are so intense they hurt her, make it difficult to sleep, and make it hard to position her comfortably.

Anyway, her house has been dropping the ball again and again.

She was finally going in on Monday, but it's cancelled.  Why?  Because Illinois moved their medicaid patients to managed care, and the managed care plan doesn't cover this treatment.

It also only covers up to 18 dollars on glasses frames and up to 30 dollars on lenses, which doesn't get you far when you are a -9.5.

They also don't cover her preferred psychologist or neurologist.

So Mondays appointment is cancelled.  I will now resume spinning my wheels, through first I must focus on spinning my wheels on trying to get her new glass since she snapped her glasses yesterday.  Her backup glasses.  Her real glasses broke in November 2011, but have yet to be replaced because her house will not take her.  Sis is going to take her on Sunday, and we'll pay for them, because there is no other choice.

God, I hate everyone and everything right now.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Friday Rage

Just got a call from Amy to tell me that she got home from work (3:30), and was "asked" to wait until people returned from shopping (as of 5, not home from shopping yet).  There have to be two people on duty for Amy to be toileted, and as some people were shopping, there was only one caregiver at the house.  

No answer calling her Q (another new one, though her voicemail still names MeanyCold -- that's 3 Q's ago) or the community living director (her number didn't work), so I had to try the only other person I could think of, the executive director.  At 4:55 on a Friday, executive director answers her phone, says she'll put me in touch with the community living director ASAP. 

Talk to Amy again, she is being toileted by the sole caregiver on duty.  One of the senior staff had said to the caregiver, in front of Amy, that Amy could wait to use the toilet, since she'd waited 8 hour before.  

Community living director calls me back to say not "Sorry, this will be handled", but to tell me there is no problem.  The sole caregiver, says Community Living Director, NEVER told Amy she couldn't go to the toilet -- that was someone else.  

Uhhhhhhhh... hello?

Senior staff members says Amy can wait to pee since she's waited 8 hours before (even though Amy is to be toilet without question every day after work).  Two staff must be on duty for Amy to use the toilet.  After senior staff left, there was only one staff on duty, so Amy couldn't be toileted, and she knew it, and so she told me what happened and asked me to handle it.  

In the past, we've been asked NOT to ask staff to provide care they are not authorized to give (as in asking single care giver to toilet Amy alone.  

But of course, as always, the agency is perfect, the agency can do no wrong, we are trouble, Amy is a liar, we are liars, there is not problem, this is a great place.  So says the agency.  

CANNOT WAIT to know for certain she is leaving this place.
"Get me outta here" says Amy.  


I'm so bad a blogging.  Stuff like this happens constantly.   

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Sunny Sunday

Ok, so actually this was last week, but I'm slow on posting.  She was down here for a visit.  Damn, I love this girl.  Please note the matching cowls.  We walked to the Esquire for lunch and worked on crossing streets in response to the audio alerts.  

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Everything is ok right now.

I mean, I miss my mom like mad, and I dropped a very sharp ulu knife on my foot last week, and I burned myself making Trini doubles for dinner, BUT, Amy is ok today, and yesterday and probably tomorrow.  She is calm and logical.  And I made doubles for dinner!  And I love my sisters, my husband rules, I just had a blast with my inlaws, and my chubby, clumsy cat continues to be both chubby and clumsy, so I got that goin for me.  Which is nice.