Nom nom nom.

Why is running on treadmill so much harder than running outside?  Four outdoor miles over lunch on Monday.  TWO miles on the treadmill tonight after work.  I looooove that I own a treadmill (hooray for craigslist) because I would never go to a gym for this.  So, 18 days into the year, I've run 16 miles.  I feel way more awsome about my running than the number represents -- I'm surprised its so little, but I guess we really haven't been running that much.  I'd like to think this means that feeling crazy great about yourself part of running is in full swing even at this low level.

Middle sister alerted me that my reading goal is overly loft, and she's absolutely right, but I make it a manageable number, I'll be less motivated.  Also, I think I may have gotten that number conflated with how many new recipes I was going to make this year... Two books in progress on my nightstand.  Native Son, and a Plague of Doves, both courtesy of the endless Walker thrift store book stash, which has unsealed now that we are both done with grad school!

New recipes galore!  We've really been taking care to EAT FOOD since I started my new job.  Cooking dinner, packing lunch, eating breakfast.  It sounds so simple, and yet there have been huge expanses of our life where we fail to eat breakfast or pack lunches.  Major props go to main man for packing our lunches the night before.

New recipes in our kitchen!

• Hot chana (not the tomato-y kind, but the thick brown spicy kind you eat with puri ) and butternut squash, both from Indian Vegetarian Cooking at Your House. 
• Something based on this gai lan stirfry, so simple.  
• Butternut squash and red lentil dal with spicy tarka, with a modification-- white onions and red cabbage instead of red onions.  And adding salt.  We don't eat a lot of salt -- but this recipe fails to call any, and lentils can't handle that.  
• This raspberry sorbet -- sort of... add one tablespoon vodka to make it scoopable, halve the sugar and lemon juice -- is in progress right now in our ReStore ice cream maker.  

We've also been making our tried and true loves: fajitas, gumbo-ish, and our beloved Xinh Xinh inspired noodle bowls (vermicilli tossed with soy sauce, chili garlic sauce, rice vinegar and dash of sesame oil, topped with cucumber, green onions, raw peppers, and ground peanuts) but those don't count toward the goal.

Current vegetable obsessions: chinese greens, and pepper pepper peppers any and all peppers that are not bell peppers.  

I've been vegan for seven and a half years now.  Years ago accepted after much reading that protein was a non-issue as long as I was eating actual food, and that too much protein would actually gut me of calcium, which is what I really needed to focus on getting enought of.  And when I need protein, my body usually compells me to eat heaping tons of beans or a pile of tofu. I know some stuff, is what I'm saying, but still, every time I look at the nutional charts on veggies, I am FLOORED.  Protein, all around us.  It's so weird to me how easily I mentally fall back into viewing carbs, fiber, protein, and fats as seperate food groups and thinking 'where is the protein in this meal?' if the beatiful feast I've prepared doesn't have a designated protein.

I'm keeping up on the sewing!  Finished a dog bed cover for daisy that tightly fits a crib matress.  Denim and brown herringbone -- the perfect fabrics for my mom's dog.  She'd love it.

Ok.  This is just a string of personal updates.  Signing off.  I've got to wash my hands.  They are caked in salt from packing the ice cream maker with salt and ice, and Daisy is treating me like a salt lick.  As though she wouldn't be licking me anyway.

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As I think about what I just wrote, I feel really self-centered and selfish with all this me, me, me stuff, but I know that keeping me happy and personally fulfilled is how I will be able to keep on trucking to do right by Amy, to WANT to keep on trucking, and be a happy person she, Walker, and I actually want (and can stand) to be around.

Resolve

When my mom died, I promised myself that I would not be unhappy another day of my life.  I might be sad, but I wouldn't be unhappy.

That has proved difficult, but it continues to be my ultimate goal.  To this end, I'm trying to get back on track.  More doing.  In the spirit of the new year, I am energized and hitting a mental reset.

I have a wonderful husband, a job I love, two AMAZING sisters, an aunt and an uncle and a cousin who have taken us in, and in-laws who have opened their hearts to my sisters.  We rent the perfect little house, our car starts every morning, our dog is a riot.  I have a cabinets of food, a washer, a dryer, a dishwasher, wifi, and hot water whenever I want it. 

There is a lot of pain and plenty of woes, but I am a lucky person.

This year, I will:

• Run 365 miles this year, running at least twice a week.  This year we ran 20 miles one week, sometimes not at all for a whole month.  I trained for a half marathon, got up to distance, and then lost interest and didn't run for six weeks.  We COULD run more and more often then the goal I'm setting, but I'm aiming for achievability and consistency. 
• Run the Illinois Half Marathon
• Pack lunch four days a week
• Sew more: 2 potholders and a mitt, two double draft snakes, one dress, one skirts, two leggings, bag for me, bag for Amy, small quilt, repair or improve the mass quantities of clothes in my fix/modify pile, and use my serger when I should be instead of not finishing edges that ought to be finished (don't be a lazy ass, Allison)
• Leave less crap on the porch
• Get dressed every day.  Okay, every weekday.
• Read 26 books this year
• Make 26 new recipes this year 
• Make a batch of cider
• Set a weekend visit with Amy for every month.  I'll end up seeing her more than that, but the real goal here is to not spend the weekends I don't see her feeling like a lousy piece of crap sister
• Keep stuff off the floor
• Spend less time on the computer when I'm at home
• Get our basement and garage organized and streamlined.  
• Get family photos sorted and prepared for scanning. 
• Drink less soda.
• Get out of bed in the morning with less of a fight.
• Go to bed when I think, man, I should go to bed.  Not two hours later. 
• 50/50 coffee after 1 pm

I have a whole list of other goals -- goals of Amy's and goals of my own for Amy that I can contribute to and support, but that is another post.  If I try to write it now, I will slip into bitterness and anger, when I what I really should do is march myself into my sewing room and fix something.

Woooo, interrupted by the phone.  Amy played me today -- two after work calls AND two bedtime calls. 

Anyway... Stats on a few quantifiable goals

Week one: 4/4 lunches, two runs: 5.5 miles
Week two, so far: 2/2 lunches, one run: 4.25 miles, 3 new recipes

Ok!  Marching into my sewing room right now!

Update!  Three garments fixed or modified -- a hole in a shirt mended, side seam pockets of a thrift store dress sewn shut and trimmed off, and pockets of a red corduroy skirt sewn shut. Now, to lay in bed and read!