Friday, November 19, 2010

No crying to Bad Religion.

Well, Biggie, today was a better day.  I was just driven to write this sentimental post as I lay here on the couch surrounded by your cd's listening to the new Bad Religion, but now Walker has swapped that disc out for Gwar.  Damn dude.  Not to pass judgment, but you have a lot of Gwar.

For the last two days, I've been aching to be with Dad and your mom, to drive and take a visit, and to be with them.  Our house feels for far away from you, and the fam, and from everything that has happened.  I'm ok, just not ok so far away and disconnected.  I don't relate to people I usually have so much in common with.

I drove up today.  It was exactly where I needed to be.  They miss you so much.  I miss you so much, and I hurt for you. I didn't see you a lot lately, but I just assumed you'd be around forever. 

I'm at my mom's now, listening to Rancid, totally mesmerized by your CD collection.  Walker is going to hurt himself with your nunchucks.  I know you are not in your things, but is joyful to be around your things, and the little bits of extra knowing you that can I squeeze from this world.

I have a feeling our family is going to grow closer through this.  And that I'm going to learn a lot of new music.  And that's great, I just really wish that you'd be there for it. 

I have so much in my heart, and so much to say, but when it comes out it's just these very simple worlds on a page.  I'm so sorry, Biggie.  You deserve more of this life. 

And yeah, I usually think blog posts talking to the deceased are pretty creepy, too, but it sure does feel good.  I won't do it too much.


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